It starts now.

Today I'm going to start writing.
Writing/drawing/painting/cutting/gluing/shooting/crying/laughing/dancing, again.

Just like I had to face myself in Ethiopia, I'm going to choose to face myself today.
I won't be afraid to put my whole heart into where I am anymore.

I chose that once, and it broke my heart when I had to leave.
But I can't choose to believe that it wasn't worth it anymore.
It is.

I'm really excited.

[and you guys need to push/shove/hit/slap/passive aggressively/boldly/lovingly make me do this when I'm not.]

Trying Again

I don't know how to get out whats inside of me. 

But last night I was reminded how much I need to.

Its always worth it though.

Yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--N9klJXbjQ

Back home (sort of)

It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands. Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but a heart made sweet with hunger and with thirst.

The Prophet

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

Gotta go now

Ah! Its here!

It’s time to show new eyes their home.

So you know Christmas was good. 

Berlin is an incredible city and Nicky is a wonderful person so everything worked out really nicely. 

It was so encouraging to look at his face and hear his voice and tell him about everything that I've been through in the last four months and to hear the same from him. We've changed a lot, but not really. 

I couldn't even look at Nicky's face when I first saw him at the airport. Seriously, it was the freaking weirdest feeling. But when we got used to looking at each other again and Nicky recovered from ultimate jet lag, we got to see a lot of Berlin. There were tons of Christmas markets with German treats everywhere, breathtaking historical monuments and like such as, and we even made friends with the Mexicans and Australians in our hostel room and they bought Nicky birthday presents. Weird life.

We went back to the base on Christmas day and had tasty, tasty Christmas dinner with Lucy, my brazilian mentor. 

It was so encouraging just to be with Nicky, and to talk about everything and pray. That week was the best christmas present. 

Lately I've been packing up my things, missing Nicky again, hearing lots of lectures on what not to do on outreach, getting/praying for our camera equipment, last days coloring parties, praying for the HCC Ski Trip 09, stuff like that.

 

My mind is crazy, my heart is different, my body is sore, my stuff is all over the place. But I got boxes of malaria pills and tmax film and thats all I really need.

I have 48 hours until I live in Ethiopia. 

It’s time to show new eyes their home.